Forza 5 is Garbage

Forza 5 is Garbage.

By Robert Graves

A few days ago, I stopped into a Gamestop to pick up some things for my Wii U. I wanted to get a screen protector because I’ve been using the stylus a lot lately. Unfortunately for me, the Gamestop employee failed to mention it already had a screen protector on it…

We chatted for a few moments on our significant others schooling us at games. His was a master at Mario Kart who always hit the apex. Mine was a Mario speed runner who puts me to shame every time. As we parted ways, I stopped by the Wii U kiosk to check out Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze. If you haven’t seen that game in person yet, you need to. The pictures do not do it justice.

In the same area as the Wii U was an Xbox One set up. As someone who loves racing games, I decided to try out Forza 5. I have heard that this game is much better than the Gran Turismo series, and I could understand that. Gran Turismo feels weird to me and driving a car I own in real life feels alien.

Forza was already running so I decided to just pick up where the last player left off. My first impression of the Xbox One controller was “impressive”. Its definitely much lighter than any other Xbox controller I’ve used, and even lighter than the Wii U Gamepad which is also surprising light. The rumble triggers were a neat effect.

The car I was driving was the Ariel Atom, a car that I’m currently racing in Need for Speed Most Wanted U. I turned the car down the track and was instantly shown where to go. I am not fond of racing games that use a rainbow line to show you where to go, how to apex, and if you’re going to fast or slow.


yes mother.

I continued to drive a course that was familiar. I have seen this course online before and its much more beautiful in person. That being said, it wasn’t mind blowingly nice. The cars looked next gen sure, but the tracks were lacking and the rear view mirrors were worthless. Once I slid into a wall, and the girl in the crowd was looking down at her cellphone. She didn’t even care about what was going on. Why is she even here? Where are the Cruis’n girls?

oh, I guess shes looking at her nails.

oh, I guess shes looking at her nails.


I decided to start from scratch. Its a little unfair to start judging a racing game when I’m not actually racing. I backed out to the title screen, selected to race, and picked my car – The front engined Ferrari. No big deal, I thought. I’ll slide it anyway and it will be fun. After selecting the Ferrari, I got to choose which color I wanted it in, and then I guess a secondary color? I was pushing A as fast as I could to play again.

But all my button mashing was in vain. I was greeted with about 5 minutes of load screen, something that is absolutely horrible for a game system with this kind of power. I spent the next few minutes yelling “SERIOUSLY?!?!” at the screen while reading stupid tips from the games designers. “Did you know you can pick the color of your car?” Sure did! Now let me race!

Finally, I was presented with the starting line and my opponents. I revved my engine and got ready for the race of my life. I quickly overtook my first few opponents and was on the next one coming into a corner yelling “POWWEERRR!” Instead, I was handed a down-shift and deceleration.

Forza 5 absolutely shines as a quick time event. All you have to do is hold down the gas button and steer. Thats it. The game shows you where to go, brakes for you, up shifts, down shifts, and basically wins. Why would anyone buy this game?


this actually happened to me.

this actually happened to me

I decided this nonsense wasn’t for me. I hit the “Options”? button and brought up the start menu.

  • Assisted Track Path = OFF
  • Assisted Shift = OFF
  • Assisted Breaking = OFF
  • Traction Control = ABS OFF
  • Assisted Winning = VERY OFF

Now then, lets try this again. I hit the gas and took off. But when I went to up-shift, I hit Y. Suddenly, I’m transported back in time 10 seconds for no good reason. What? This game has a redo button. I finally found my shifting buttons where on opposite sides of the letter pad (X, and B) which is completely wrong, and no other racing game ever has done that. Fine. Now that I knew how to shift, I started to make my way around the track. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but a gentle tap on the brakes at around 60mph basically turns the tarmac to ice. I had thought the Xbox One controller had digital triggers, and so I attempted to mitigate my braking by only hitting it slightly. Wrong. The brakes were so bad, I ended up having to use more acceleration pedal while braking just to get a steady corner. It was at this point that I gave up.

Admittedly, this is not enough to tell whether or not a game is garbage. It could be realistic handling of the car. The bad tires and brakes could be an upgrade feature of the game. Even the bored girl could turn into a bikini clad dance machine if I were winning. But I doubt it. What we have then is a game that either forces you to win or forces you to lose.

One comment

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s