Who You Gonna Text

Trailer Analrapist: Ghostbusters 2016

The summer movie season is upon us!  This year we get Avengers Civil War, Independence Day 2, and most controversial of all, a Ghostbusters movie! Lets talk about the controversy as we dig into the trailer.

by Robert Graves

The Ghostbusters franchise is an 80s baby treasure.  Like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Transformers, or Star Wars, any attempt to recreate that magic is lost on this fan base.  More similarly to TMNT, Ghostbusters has a more fluid past than these nostalgia babies recognize.   Both franchises “reboot” every iteration.

Who you gonna ring?

Go Ghost Busters

Something 80s babies also fail to grasp is they are no longer babies.  The post 9/11 world is for TODAYS younger generations, and they overwhelming love Jar Jar Binks and Transformers.  These films were made for that audience, not the 30 something neckbeards that have all their Ghostbusters toys on a shelf in their living room.  I only display my Staypuft Marshmallow Man.  Like a classy adult.

yeesh

took this from an Ebay page. Currently bid: $40

To be completely honest, I am excited to see Lady Ghostbusters.  I like both Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy.  I admit I don’t know much about the other two, I don’t watch much SNL but watching the trailer does give me confidence in casting choices.

Of course turning Ghostbusters into women is an unforgiving travesty to the 80’s babies, who forget the Ghostbusters once had a gorilla side kick.  I think the trailer makes it clear that these are not the same Ghostbusters, though its less clear if they exist in the same universe as a separate team or these “easter eggs” are just homages.

Who you gonna telegram?

The Ghost Busters 1975

On the flip side, the trailer seems to rely heavily on nostalgia to power though the lack of effort on everything else. The ghosts themselves look like a Disney park ride: malicious, yet friendly. Dialogue seems as though it was written over a vodka infused dinner. Though ultimately I could be wrong, everyone involved in this film has the experience to make this great.

I suppose we will have to wait and see.  This is defiantly a theater viewing for me, though I might skip on the 3D.  Thats my scale.  3D-2D-Redbox-Netflix.  I score it a 2D viewing based on the trailer.  Lady Ghostbusters might be a cash grab, but I’ll bet it’ll be a fun time.  Plus, AMC nachos come with all you can eat jalapeños.

The following is a break down of the trailer.  There are a few little neat eggs hidden within, and of course spoilers.

  • Nostalgia piano
  • City skyline without NY landmarks. At least to me. Gatta be NY though.
    shot of NY landmark, Ghostbuster 1984 firehouse, modern day.  Still functions as a fire station.
    shot of Ghostbuster symbol graffiti in subway station.  is it nostalgia for old Ghosttbusters or anti ghost symbolism.  station marking says SEWARD.  C-Word. SeaWard.  Cunt.

    always

    always relevant

  • Three main protagonists. filming a ghost. ghost puke!  music slams on the brakes.
  • Scenes cut up to make a joke about ghost puke. takes place in a lab.
  • Remix!
  • New lab. maybe it belongs to crazy lady? looks like it could be in the old firehouse.
  • Shot back to previous lab.  ladies are reviewing an audio tape. no audio except McCarthy’s character talking about how they were born to be Ghostbusters.
  • Cue black lady stumbling upon a ghost in subway station.
  • Cue huge crowd of Disney style ghosts
  • Cue huge crowd of people running.  NY taxi!
  • People need our help!
  • Shot second lab.  “proton” pack cranking up.  reverse shot of big red doors! gatta be original firehouse.
  • LASER BEAR TRAP!
  • Wink, crazy Ghostbuster lady does machines.
  • Other lady is the best at math, writes ParanormalStudiesLab.com on a white board. I like website tie-ins. finger guns!
  • McCarthy, wearing an updated version of the MRI ghost helmet from G1984, snaps the handle off something, while talking about providing a service. OH SNAP
  • Black lady is on her laptop at the Chinese restaurant (presumably lab one) She wants to join up!
  • “You alls are really smart, but i know da STREETS!” world collectively sighs.
  • But car!  OK!
  • Its a hearse. ITS A CADILLAC! Not as classy as the one from G1984 though, but with more external trimmings
  • Ecto Caddie leaves Chinese restaurant (lab 1?)
  • Team shows up to do a job, and they’re ready for action.
  • “LETS G-LETS GO!  Oh…sorry.”  joke
  • Ecto Caddie haulin ASS.  license plate isn’t visible. UGH. ECTO WHAT??
  • Ghosts flying out of the floor of a mansion. Haunted Mansion. Someone is doing the plot! speech.
  • SLIMER! flying around a hot dog stand warehouse
  • Shot of all 4 ladies facing a huge group of ghosts.  unclear where,but looks like a party town.  theaters, liquor stores, and Chinese food.  Taxi Driver  and Boris Karloff billboards, with a big Sony in the background (thanks Sony!) stilts ghost is walking over the crowd. ghost flies into the screen.
  • “We might be the only ones who can stop it”
  • Crazy Ghostbuster lady pretending to be a mannequin. “is it the hat? is the wig?”
  • Back on the town, stilts ghost walks over the ladies, like an over used special effect.  BLU RAY DISC! because why do they even still make VHS.
  • Sony / Wicked/ Aladdin! billboards… wait where are all the ghosts going?
  • To get shot by smart lady.  crazy lady licks her guns.  hopefully after she shoots a ghost?  now shes irradiated.  These guns are pistols. Smart lady has a Super Scope/ does a charge shot.
  • McCarthy does a ghost punch!
  • Fire up the proton packs!
  • “Theres a bigger picture at hand here” who wrote this?
  • Second plot or Subplot: ghosts can possess people
  • Ghosts possess Thor, kicks in the door. Why? Who knows / cares.
  • McCarthy gets possessed by ghost clog. Does a pretty good ghost face / creep smile.
  • McCarthy ghost tries to throw crazy lady Ghostbuster out the window, but black lady pulls her back in.  McCarthy Ghosts head spins all the way around
  • Black lady pulls black church and slaps the ghost out of McCarthy.
  • “The POWER OF PAIN COMPELS YOU!” The power of Christ compels you is famous from The Exorcist, but its also fun to say when you slap people.

 

What do you think? Will you see Ghostbusters 2016?

 

 

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