Creme Brulee? Carmenere? Cara mia, no grazie.

I mean, yes, of course I would like to try your “sugarless vegan crème brûlée,” but…

By JarredXMoore


  1. without eggs there is no custard; without the “cream,” there goes half the name,
  2. “…pure maple sugar (or your favorite granulated sugar)” is the opposite of sugarless, and
  3.  your recipe states “…don’t get distracted and let the sugar burn!”; so there goes the other half of the name.

I do not doubt that you have created a delicious dessert by pouring a mixture into single-serve ramekins and baking half-submerged in hot water on a sheet tray. Where we disagree is in your thinking that the similarity in process, and your dish’s inspiration, is enough to validate your lazy nomenclatural theft. I’m saying this as a fanatic for language, not just of edibles. If you had surrounded “crème brûlée” in quotation marks like so, to flaunt a playfully loose derivative, that would be fine. Otherwise, don’t use the name, except for maybe “I cannot lift my spoon to your crème brûlée, for I am weak and my vegan brain has gone awry.” Or something. Call it…”Torched Tofu, for Dessert.”

I’m sure it’s good, but…

Bitch, BYE.


in response to the brilliant work at

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